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I worked my whole life to be a mom.
I worked through a difficult childhood and only remember my mother being ill. Her illness stemmed from alcoholism,
prescription drugs, and street drugs. I worked 3 and 4 jobs at a time to get through college. I became a dedicated
and effective teacher. I knew that my child would have a bright future because I had broken the cycle of poverty
in my family. My husband was responsible and my best friend. We were ready to give our son everything that he
needed to make a good life for himself. My pregnancy was ok, except that I rocked for two weeks after my flu shot.
I rocked back and forth on our couch and it drove my husband nuts. I didn't know why I did this.
It took the edge off. I just felt better rocking.
I remember feeling sick in my gut when the doctor came in for the first time after my laboring for 12 hours. I was rocking through the contractions and though painful I had a good rhythmn going. "We don't give awards to heros, give her an epidural." I couldn't speak due to the contractions coming so close, but more than that, I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. He was in charge and didn't he know best? 8 hours later I had no idea how to push and had been flat on my back with my labor slowed due to epidural. After two attempts my OB said that I needed a C-section. Again my gut. I shook my head in agreement. He knew best. Don't take over, I told myself. Let him do his job. That gut feeling would sharpen out of dire necesity in the not so distant future. We were so proud and I had everything I had dreamed
of. I was so proud that I knew how to give my son what he needed. I had a car and health insurance and could afford
to stay home. I took my son with pride to the pediatrician and felt as if he were getting the greatest care in
the world. I felt sick and so uneasy about my son's shots. I would go home to read about them after each round
of vials was laid by his thigh and injected. I never quite understood what they were for. I always buried
any concern I had. I figured it was me trying to take over and I felt that I needed to trust my pediatrician.
Tyler's first year I was concerned that he was so large. He wanted to nurse all the time and he was constipated
up to 10 days at a time. My pediatrician said "how are your bowels mom?" "See he's
just like you, stop worrying he'll have a bowel movement when he's ready." My gut again, but this made
sense after all I was never regular. In that first year of life, Tyler went through times where he wouldn't look at me. It would always pass and again Tyler would look at me and respond to my songs. I danced with him everyday. I loved my little prince. At his first birthday party he watched the big kid play in the water. He laughed and babbled. He was so tickled by this big kid and what he could do. He mimicked the crowd while he took his first bite of wheat cake. I was so careful and had read not to serve wheat until a year. He was weaned from my breast milk and growing up. I remember and have it on video that he looked right at me and signed "more" and then looked at the cake and back at me. I was "Mama" and Daddy, "Da da". Our dog was "bam bam". Tyler was very "with us" on his first birthday. He was excited about life. I was ready to become pregnant again. We went to Germany to accompany my husband on a work project. I made sure Tyler had his vaccinations.
It was time for his MMR. He screamed all night and had a fever. He had a rash at the injection site, but
we read that this was normal. I was so schedule oriented having been a teacher that I really thought that Tyler was
just exceptionally well behaved on the airplane trip. Everywhere we went people would comment on what a good boy
he was. Du haus gut yungen. I felt so proud. He cared about detail and would practice things
over and over again. He really started to get picky about foods. He only wanted bread, so I visited the
local bakery each day and he had a croissant. He loved the brats, milch (milk) and anything resembling bread.
I worked so hard on this trip to teach Tyler. I worked all day every day on "come back, and sit down."
I was very consistent. We drove all across Germany and Tyler never made a sound. We just thought he was
a cool little kid and that clearly we must be doing something right. All he needed was milk and bread and he was
happy. When we returned from Germany, I was pregnant and Tyler started to get sick all the time. I made sure he took
his antibiodic, and being worried about traveling to PA for Christmas I made sure he got his reccommended flu shot.
We were to leave less than 10 days after flu shot to go to PA. Tyler started starring right through me.
He would sit in the highchair and catatonically stare at nothing. Where was he? Everyone kept
saying "wow he's really in his own world." "Why doesn't he look when I call his name?"
I had to work really hard with Tyler. Put it this way, only I knew what to do for him. If anyone else
did anything for him he would scream. I thought it must be them. They just don't know how
to read his cues. They aren't paying attention etc....At one point on the trip, my husband and I were in his
parent's kitchen watching Tyler run back and forth, back and forth over and over again. He never looked at us.
He was on a mission of some kind. Doug turned to me and said "do you think something is wrong?"
I replied "yes I've always felt something was, but I don't know what?" When we returned to TX a good friend came by with her two children. I told her about Tyler's behaviors since she and I could talk about things like this. She had been a teacher too. She looked at me and said "I don't know how to tell you this, but I think Tyler has tendencies of Autism." I died and I knew she was right. It all came together in a few seconds and I asked her to leave immediately. We had Early Childhood Intervention evaluate him and he met all the criteria's for Autism. At 18 months old he was functioning at around 9 months of age. I was 5 months pregnant and scared out of my mind. Our peditrician told us not to worry for at least a year. It was ok that he wasn't talking. When had he stopped? I didn't even know how this happened. My husband was at ease when the pediatrician told us not to worry. I prayed on the way home from that visit that I wouldn't have to choose between my husband and Tyler. I knew that I had to save Tyler and that the doctor was dead wrong. I knew each day that my child was loosing his mind. He would sift in the mulch repeatedly. He would open and close cabinet doors over and over again. He ran around with a water bottle. I remember a friend calling and trying to calm me. Her son was the same age and he really loved Bob the Builder. He was building roads and knew all about construction. I told her that Tyler really like Elmo as I watched Tyler run back and forth with the empty water bottle. I was dying inside and the early intervention people didn't know a darn thing either. I felt rage every time I opened the door to let them in my home, which was now at least one person coming each day. We had OT, speech, counseling, early interventionist coming each week. Tyler's behaviors got more and more bizarre and his eating habits were awful. He only ate chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, or bread. I was in agony going to the library or kid gym with all the other moms. They all told the cutest stories about what their kid was saying or doing. I was dying inside. My kid wasn't developing and I had no idea what to do. We made our entire house a picture chart. We worked 100s of repetitions for one second of eye contact or teach him to hand us a picture. We worked tirelessly trying to keep Tyler with us. We had no family support. Everyone said he would grow out of it and that I was trying to be a perfect mother. Doug and I would lay awake each night and hold each other and cry. I would vomit in the night I was so scared. I didn't even have time to really think about the baby I was carrying inside of me. For my schedule C section I was away from Tyler for the first time. I almost felt guilty taking time away from working with him. Would he regress more? Thank GOD for my daughter. Both of our children's sex was a surprise to us. I couldn't believe it when they handed me my baby Taylin. My beautiful angel. Somehow we would all be ok. I had no idea how we would make it, but I did have a peace inside me that we would be ok. Needless to say it was very difficult. I thought that when Tyler saw baby Taylin he would come to life. He didn't and I knew his behaviors were atypical. Many of my friends also had their second child. I again had to hear painful story after painful story of all the things their kids were doing. It was agony seeing Tyler get worse, but it was also almost equally hard feeling so alone. Why did all these moms get to complain about such trivial things while I was at home with a daily visitor from ECI services learning how poorly my child was doing. I did everything that I could to give my baby girl all that she needed. It wasn't hard really. I was in love with her. She kept me alive. We made our life as normal as we could. We had terror and fear in our hearts every minute of everyday, but somehow we stayed strong and believed that if only one family would make it, it would be us. I hated the ECI people. They made no sense to me and I always felt so judged like I had caused this. It was a nightmare being anaylzed everyday. We had no family support and I had only one friend. I was sure she would leave me too. At this point I'm sure I was nuts. Tyler looked fine. He didn't have downsyndrome. I was told constantly that I was crazy. I knew that at first glance Tyler looked fine. He was a beautiful boy and a mother who was consistent. We looked fine. We weren't fine. Life was very hard for us. We had to use picture charts for everything. I wrote weekly lesson plans and Doug and I carried these plans out. We would take Tyler to a highly reinforcing place like the park and we wouldn't let him out of his carseat. We wanted him to communicate in some way that he wanted to go. After all, family members told me I probably was doing everything for him. My stomach ached as he starred into space sucking his thumb. But I REFUSED to except this. SO I would take his arms and put them up and say "OUT." Over and over I would repeat this motion until I saw even the slightest attempt to move his arms. OUT I would scream, you want out! Then we would go to the park. He looked so normal at the park. Maybe even athletic. He could climb anything and had no fear like the other cautious toddelers. For a few minutes I could pretend that we were ok. When Tyler turned 2.5 and Taylin 6 months both wheezed constantly. Tyler coughed and ear infections for
months. When they told me he now had asthma and that my daughter also needed a breathing machine, something clicked
in me. I thought with tears running down my face as I pushed the double stroller "something is really
wrong here." "This isn't normal, I swear these doctors are making my kids sicker." Taylin
had such high fevers with her shots and at times she would stare. Even our early interventionist commented on how odd
it was that Taylin was starring because Taylin had developed so well. Our home was language central and
at only 6 months she would wave and say bye to people. Something clicked in me and my
GUT told me to take my babies home and stop giving them medicine. I prayed to GOD for answers and I had
an odd peace that I was onto something. Tyler got so ill with the rota virus that he had foamy diarrhea
and vomitting for 3 days. He hadn't eaten a thing. Which was weird for our kid who snuck dog food
as he was alway so hungry. Tyler was so lifeless these days and I thank GOD for my husband because he
is the one who said this kid needs to be in the hospital. He was right, Tyler was severly dehydrated.
The doctor came in and screamed at me for not vaccinating my daughter. Somehow that came up because she
was young and there were kids everywhere. I had vaccinated her, but had stopped so she wasn't current
at that point. He literally yelled at me and told me that she could die and does he need to show me a case
of Rubella? Why he asked? I replied, "Because I'm not reading about autism,
I'm living it!" He then looked at my lifeless son starring into space and walked out.
At some point in that room Tyler looked at a ceiling tile. I knew what he was looking at.
I was able to say "butterfly." I knew that he and I were looking at the same thing.
That was cool. When we got home, my husband and I made eye contact across the room as Tyler smiled and had life
in his eyes. "oh my god, don't feed him anything but rice cakes and water," I screamed.
I took a class and a few mothers were talking about diet. He hadn't eaten in a few days. He was
getting better. Had he detoxed I wondered? I immediately had tears of joy streaming
down my face. I had a plan and something finally made sense. I researched for three days
and my husband took off work. I learned all I could about gluten free casein free diets. My husband and I were full of joy. We had hope. It all made some sense to me now. Maybe this is why he has that foul diarrhea. Maybe this is why he only eats bread. Oh shit, Taylin. I made sure I immediately changed my diet too as I was breastfeeding my baby girl. My wheezing baby girl with a constant yeast infection. Tyler started to talk! He started to learn more easily. He was still very autistic, but we were moving in the right direction. I was determined to do this well. I read every book I could find and talked to anyone who would listen. Most thought I was crazy and my friend not only was still around, she loved us. We would make it. We started an ABA program. I remember when they took Tyler from the car and into the building. I was devastated as my spacey child never fussed to leave me. I wasn't shocked, but I just prayed that he would get better and start to do what other kids did. He walked into the building with a stoned look on his face. When I returned to pick him up, I could hear him screaming from inside. I wanted to vomit. I was in hell. I had just spent 3 hours at a book store with my crawling baby girl because we had nowhere to go while Tyler was in therapy. How was I going to go to a book store for 3 hours everyday and drive 1 hour each way everyday and while on this damn diet. Now screaming! I couldn't take it. I wanted to die. I had no support. My grandmother said he would be fine and that I was ruining my marriage. The other ladies in my town would say, oh that's nice there is a book store there. They had no idea how autistic he was becomming, how exhausted I was, how hard the diet was, and that it was costing us $3000 a month. We had no help. I was devastated that my baby girl wasn't getting the babyhood that I dreamed for her. All the other kids went to the library, and playdates, while we hung out at the same bookstore each day. When I walked in to find my son screaming it was because they were trying to get him to look at them. They sat in a huddle like gorillas. They had chips in their hands. Everytime he stopped screaming they would become alive and give him a chip. He would walk around the room screaming. I hated this. I knew he needed it. I knew that he was headed for institutionalism and that if I really loved him I had to stick with this. Six months into the GFCFSF and corn free diet that was also pretty free of additives, dyes, pesticides Tyler was talking but still very autistic and still very addicted to foods. I had been learning a lot from ANDI, a support group led by Karen Seroussi. Thank GOD for this lady. Her book gave me hope. I kept seeing Diane Farr and Jennifer Boddie posting about BED. A friend in my autism world called and told me to look up Body Ecology Diet. I had seen it on the ANDI site, so I took a look. I scrolled down and heard Donna Gates and Natsha Mcbride talk about the gut and healthy bacteria. They made so much sense. I knew this was it. I immediately knew this is what Tyler needed. I knew it. I felt at peace. I could do this. I had to do this. I took the book apart over night. I started joining BEDROK chats and learned so much from Diane Farr and Jennifer Boddie. Diane's son had recovered. I knew that it was possible for us too. These women held me together day after day. Tyler went through terrible withdrawel. He ran around and screamed. My husband and I hugged each other and cried. It was very intense. I took all sugars away and all processed foods away. Then I learned how to make young coconut kefir. Tyler went nuts on this. It really scared me. I stopped the yck and worked on other steps. Our ABA program was now at home and much of our session was teaching me how to get Tyler to do this diet. We had to strap him into a booster chair while he screamed. We had to do it. Each day I worked to get him to sit without screaming. As soon as he took that one bite of new food we REWARDED him. Each meal day after day I slowly got the bad out and the good in. I learned how to soak my grains and how to cook ocean vegetables. About three months into food combining I tried the young coconut kefir again. Tyler did fine with 1 tsp. SO I gradually gave him more and very quickly he could drink a whole cup with no side effects. The struggle was over. He wasn't an addict and started to easily eat vegetables. Hundreds of hours into training him to eat it all came together. Every week after, the therapist would say "Shannon he's getting better. I've never seen anything like this." I'm sure they thought I was nuts. I spent all day in the kitchen making green drink, cultured vegetables, and properly combined BED meals. I felt better too. I wasn't such a perfectionist anymore. I could handle chaos better. My mind was clear. I was full of energy, and I started to drop some weight. About 12 months into dietary changes, his therapist started saying "Shannon you don't need me anymore." Tyler was whizzing through his programs. My baby girl was potty trained at 14 months and talking in full sentences. Just a baby at only 14 months she came to me and said "Mama, poo poo potty." We went to party after party with our special food. I got looks from the other mothers and I was talked about all the time. It hurt me so deeply. I realized that we had gotten to Tyler so young that nobody ever really realized how bad he had gotten. He made such fast progress that I looked like a whack job forcing my kids to do this special diet. They had no idea how truly vital this diet was. I didn't even realize why the diet worked. I worked every hour of every day cooking and taking care of my kids. If the other ladies went to the park we did too. I had to work all day just to show up with my homemade concoctions. I was so proud when my kids sat right down at the park and drank their green drink, cvs, and anything I put out for them. All for an apple or homemade flat bread made from millet. "May I be excused," really threw people for a loop. I would watch the other mothers gasp and exchange glances while my two healthy and capable children shined. Tyler's asthma was long gone and Taylin no longer needed that breathing machine. In fact I hadn't taken either child to the pediatrician in 2 years. I treated them with herbs and my new diet. Today Tyler is 4.5 and Taylin 2.5 Life is getting easier for us. I would say Tyler is in recovery. I still pray and work daily for his full recovery, but I know that we are on the right path. Just today I grabbed the video camera because my son was PLAYING with a friend we invited over. I always believed that he would have a friend, but had no idea how we'd get to this point. To see him have this joy of playing with a friend and he's only 4 is a miracle. I couldn't ask for anything more. Last week he hopped on his tricycle and rode down the driveway saying "I'm a teletubbie MOM." My daughter is showing him the ropes. We no longer have a therapy program. She is his built in therapist. "Come here Ty Ty" as she leads him around and shows him the world. They are starting to play together. Both kids are enrolled at a homeschool Montessori program. Being a teacher I have HUGE expectations and believe me, Miss Cassandra keeps them moving. My son is mainstreamed and from here on out we keep moving forward. Our fight has not yet ended, but we are winning the war. Somehow we have managed to go to parties and playdates with our fake pizza, cake, and green drink. I serve my children this different food with pride because I know that it is saving them and that I am doing all that I can to make sure they have the life they desearve. Now we are working to add supplements. I fully believe that if biomedical is truly to work and be maintained that a strong foundation of diet must be layed. A gluten free chicken nugget will not heal these children. Their guts are inflamed and their cells full of heavy metals. We must give them easily digestable foods and nourish their organs. I never accepted what the early intervention team tried to "make me see." I always believed that we would make it. I know that our story will help others. I plan to use my life and this second chance at a real life to change the world. We must demand safety and research with all childhood medical interventions. We must teach our children to eat whole foods. We must trust our GOD given instincts. I do not believe that any one vaccination caused my son's autism. Rather he was born into a world full of medical intervention that his body couldn't handle. Even in my womb he endured a toxic insult of mercury in the form of thimerosol from my flu shot. Then without care or study we continued to inject him with toxic assault after toxic assault. From mercury, to aluminum, to live virus we shut his system down. The experts who told me to give it another year were wrong. Is it possible the medical establishment is missing something else? I will not rest until our children are safe. Why aren't all of our children sick if vaccines are so dangerous? Look around I say. Asthma, diabetes, obesity, ADD, ADHD, learning problems, speech delay is all around. It is normal to be delayed in speech. There is a speech clinic in every town, usually close to the asthma center also. Our kids are sick. My eyes are open. The children who were spared autism because they had a TH1 response or a better methylation cycle aren't truly safe either. Even the CDC has estimated that we will be the first generation of parents to bury our kids. In my affluent playgroup children have speech problems, tantrums (normal these days), asthma, ear tubes, adenoids removed, food addictions, and I fear learning problems that will show up in school. I do not accept this. I pray for Tyler's full recovery and for the recovery of our nation. At BEDROK we say "slowly we change the world" Shannon |
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